Mom went to Boston for two weeks. That means dad is left alone at home to his own devices. I’ve received two emails from him in the past two days which make me question whether or not my mother is actually aware of what’s going on back in Bismarck. The first email was regarding vanity license plates … for his newly purchased car (mom, it’s a VW convertible, in case you hadn’t heard). The second one came in this morning. And I quote:

From: “Barnett, Robert A.”

To: “‘Lynsey Barnett’”

Subject: RE: What do you think!

Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 07:21:00 -0500

Lyns,

I forgot to ask how you are doing on that earring we talked about when you were home. I hope to hell you are saving some money for the purchase. We will also need to schedule a weekend date in the near future to carry out the task!!

Love,

Dad

All Fresh! readers should carefully note that my father does not have his ear pierced, but may have by the time Mom gets off the plane next weekend.

Pleasant surprise of the day: I actually liked the McDonald’s Fruit and Yogurt Parfait I had at lunch today (although I still refuse to try one of those salad shaker thingies). Now, if they would only get rid of those annoying television commercials.

Giggle giggle giggle.

Via Eric and in honor of the General Mills/Pillsbury buyout: doughboy.com. I think he should giggle when you click him in the stomach.

A special thank you goes out to my guest blogger for the weekend, who, on all accounts, did a pretty darned good job of keeping Fresh! fresh. If you liked what you read, send an email to the boy and tell him to start his own darned blog, since I’m now pretty much out of room on mine. (Just kidding, Teej.)

What was quite surreal about the whole guest blogging/Chicago weekend is that while T.J. was watching Miss Saigon and then leaving Chicago, I was arriving in Chicago and watching Miss Saigon. Or something like that. Basically we crossed paths in the Windy City without even knowing it. I, too, saw Miss Saigon and while my review is nothing like T.J.’s verbose dissertation, I can agree that yes, the helicopter was pretty damned cool, and yes, Chris was pretty damned hot. And yes, I pretty much had too much wine to drink before the show.

Thanks to Eric for playing host this weekend, and making me realize that my good friends are far too far away for this to continue much longer. As for now, more details are sure to be posted about the weekend’s adventures in Chicago. Stay tuned.

Well, it’s Monday morning, so Lynsey is probably sitting at her computer right now thinking about how to erase the damage from her first-ever guest blog. All I can say is that it’s been fun to share some very random thoughts for the past couple of days. It’s also been somewhat intimidating, what with worrying about whether or not complete strangers find what you have to say to be interesting.

Anyway, it’s been fun. If you want to find out anything about your mystery guest-blogger, you can check out my website or send me an e-mail. Thanks, Lynsey!

So I happened to be watching Saturday Night Live last night, and it was a repeat of the episode which was hosted by Julianna Margulies. I had never seen this episode, although it turns out that I had heard about it — one of my roommates was watching it several months ago, and one certain sketch had him laughing so hysterically that I couldn’t believe it. Well, now I’ve seen the episode, and I believe it.

Picture this: a young adult son has brought his girlfriend over to have dinner with his typical, middle-American parents. A few seconds into the meal, it is revealed that the son has weak teeth and no salivary glands, so his father has to chew his son’s food for him and then spit it into his son’s mouth. And the actors did it. Several times.

And they say there’s nothing good on television.

So you’re probably wondering why your mystery guest-blogger was in Chicago. Actually, you’re probably wondering why your guest-blogger writes so damn much, but Lynsey knows I have a history with verbosity, and she still let me do this. Ha ha! Anyway, I was in Chicago because I was participating in a conducting workshop in the school of music at a major research university in the area. For your enjoyment, here are some of the best quotes I heard over the week…

“No, we’re not that old… but thank you for planting the seeds of doubt.”

“Don’t be so Republican.”

“Let’s find a real damn loud spot.”

“Don’t know what to do? Do a damn hairpin. I don’t want the music sounding like Omaha!”

“You can’t head for your destination if you’ve got too much taco sauce going.”

“Let’s pick another spot that you can feel bad about yourself.”

“It’s like sex. You can’t be thinking, now my left leg is going to do this…”

This first-ever guest blog on Fresh! is sponsored by the number nine. Nine is the number of consecutive nights I’ve spent sleeping in a bed other than my own. Nine is the number of times I’ve been to downtown Chicago since graduating from high school about five years ago. And, as of Thursday night, nine is the number of times I’ve seen Miss Saigon live in the theater.

Miss Saigon opened on Broadway during the 1991 theater season, and the first national touring production opened in Chicago in 1992. I saw Miss Saigon twice during that initial Chicago run, which lasted several months, and I’ve seen the show since in New York, London, Minneapolis, Des Moines, and now twice more in Chicago. Well, after ten years, Miss Saigon has already closed in London, and it is scheduled to close in New York on New Year’s Eve, so this may have been my last chance ever to experience the show.

To add some useful wisdom to Fresh! for today, I’ve decided to include my Top Nine observations about Miss Saigon for anyone who may have the opportunity to catch the show before it closes…

9. One of the best moments in the show is when the Engineer says, “Welcome to Dreamland,” and the dressing room breaks apart to reveal the bar scene moving up to the front of the stage.

8. One of the best moments in the show is when Chris and Kim are making out at the end of “The Last Night of the World,” and their room breaks into three pieces — one piece goes off to the left, one piece goes off to the right, and the porch (where they’re making out) goes straight back upstage.

7. No matter how many times you see it, the helicopter is still pretty damn cool.

6. The entire Fall of Saigon sequence, where you’re continually on different sides of the embassy fence, is even better than the helicopter itself.

5. Perhaps it’s because the spotlight operators were slow on Thursday night, but for the first time, I noticed that whenever the Engineer appears on stage during the first act, there are two spotlights on him; one is a normal round spotlight, and it obscures another spotlight shaped like a star, which also hits the actor. It’s that whole American Dream thing.

4. Chris, the American G.I., is cast on a quotient of looks to singing ability. There’s a finite number involved in the quotient, and the higher the looks, the lower the singing ability. Honest to God. I’ve seen something like six different actors play Chris, and if I ranked them in order of looks and then in order of actual singing voice and intonation, the two lists would be exact mirrors of each other. Let’s just say that the guy I saw in Chicago was really good-looking.

3. “The American Dream” proves that a great song with great lyrics can be a great moment when performed by a great Engineer.

2. Despite what many people say, Miss Saigon is a great piece of theater, with wonderful music and a very sincere love story which serves as a metaphor for some of the mistakes we made as Americans during the Vietnam War. And Chris’s climactic line, “Christ, I’m an American. How could I fail to do good?” is much more effective now that they’ve decided not to have him pick up and slam down the wicker couch in the hotel room, which always skidded a few feet downstage in a most unintentionally comic way.

1. I always wanted to play Chris. But now the show is closing. Maybe I’ll get to conduct it sometime in a high school, community, or college production. I know that I’ll miss Saigon…

I’m off to Chicago for the weekend, during which period an unnamed individual may or may not be guest-blogging for me. All will be revealed soon.